OK, so while I’m up and the rain is falling I’m going to discuss the trilogy that is fifty shades of grey. These books are terrible. Christian Grey is an awful, condescending, control freak. I won’t lie, I was into it. I got sucked into the vortex that is Fifty Shades. The first book I really enjoyed, not for the literary masterpiece it’s not, but for the dirty bits that I got a kick out of. I HATED the internal dialogue, I had this same beef with the hunger games books. You miss out on A LOT but it’s so much easier to write a book this way. That is lazy writing people. Also there were lines that were just, absolutely dreadful. I feel like E.L. James sat there with a thesaurus and used the most “accessible”, largest word for what the situation called for in a vain attempt to write a “smart” erotic novel. No, it didn’t work. The entire time I was reading the series I kept saying “WTF, normal people don’t talk like this, they don’t use the word ‘mercurial,’ or refer to their brain as the medulla oblongata in regular conversations.” I don’t know what she was going for.It was stupid, but I will give her credit for making me want to increase my daily vocabulary. Alsohow about that Anastasia Steele? I don’t care how rich Christian Grey is, he’s crazy! He’s also violent, controlling and well, again, bat-shit crazy. At first I was in love with him too, he has a silver tongue, James made him appealing in that sense but that’s all. I was over him by the end of the first book. The only positive thing that came from this book was the fact that this rich, crazy asshole wanted a healthy brunette. Discussing this with my male friend Joe cracks me up. We got into it about anal and he tells me “You girls love reading about this guy and get hot and bothered when he tries anal but if we ask you to do it we’re evil and perverted.” It’s fantasy, you don’t enjoy it because we secretly want to try anal and BDSM. My instagram photos posted from the book, are the best parts that made me literally laugh out loud. With that, I feel like these books should be read. I don’t hate them enough to bash them on a daily basis, plus they give you the most amazing quot-ables, I’m not kidding. They are a quote gold mind! Except for Laters, baby. If I hear that one more time I’ll punch someone. It is the WORST fucking catchphrase I’ve ever heard in my life. The trick is don’t take them seriously, they’re cheap entertainment. Fan girls, go ahead and fan girl, I prefer the Fifty Shades movement over the twihards any day. The book does its job entertaining its target audience, women 25+ and definitely deserves its reputation as mommy porn. So ladies unleash your inner goddess! Ahaha. Can’t wait for the movie. It better be raunchy or I’ll really be pissed. HA. So now Goddesses I leave you with one of my favorite cheesy quotes by the infamous Christian “Fifty Shades” Grey.
“I want you sore baby. Every time you move I want you to be reminded that I’ve been here. Only me. You are mine.”
Yea. Hot. I guess.